Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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