Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
