Christians are straight up FREAKS
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
