My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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