I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
