do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
