I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
