the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
