Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
