I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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