Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
