I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
