he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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