please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't deserve a penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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