the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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