College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
