I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
