I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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