Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
