i permit you to call me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
