just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
