i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
