I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
