ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
