No stitches, just platelets and will power
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My bed smells like the plague
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