Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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