Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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