she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
