Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
