mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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