I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
