The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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