My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
