i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Of course I have a pirate flag
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
