well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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