Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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