I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
