you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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