Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
