"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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