there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im holly from the hills drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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