I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
