We're facebook friends in real life
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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