Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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