i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
