I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
