it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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