how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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