Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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