Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
